Monday, April 30, 2012

Changing my Style

My sister has always been the fashionable one between the two of us.

During high school She used to wake up at five every morning to put herself together for a church class that started at six.

Except that even with all that time she still wouldn't be perfect, which meant that the first thirty minutes of that class were spent in the bathroom.

She would curl and straiten her hair, apply two different kinds of mascara, and douse herself in so much hairspray that I could smell it on me for the rest of the day.

I actually resented her for it, mostly because I felt that it was a glaring misunderstanding of the word 'priorities'*, and partially because I knew that she was much prettier without all that crap in the first place.

She was the fashionable one,  but the truth is that for the first part of my life I tried to be the unfashionable one on purpose.

She was being stupid,  with all that makeup and that shaving,  so I would be the exact opposite of that and end up the truer person.  I wore  ugly, holey shirts to school**,  refused to do anything fancy with my hair,  only shaved my armpits,  didn't pierce my ears, and never ever wore makeup.

I wasn't pretty, but I wasn't putting on airs. So I was certain, in that little prideful knot of my heart,  that I was the better person.

And I never had to wake up a second sooner than was necessary.

In middle school Jordyn dealt with my demeanor by hanging out with me as little as possible. There were other reasons I'm sure, but this was definitely one of them.  Now that I look back on it I'm sure that she found me equally stupid as I found her.

Who doesn't shave their legs?  Even when their Mom gave them permission a whole two years earlier than the established age***?

By the time I got to high school my sister had wised up a little bit. She knew that I hated clothes shopping more than anything,  and she hated the way I chose to dress.  So ever slowly her clothes began to filter into mine.

I was suddenly wearing low-cut preppy tops, camisoles, and things that cinched at the waist.   I secretly felt pretty and fashionable, and she felt like she could be seen around me.

Even after she she moved out she would stop by once in a while with garbage bags full of various tops.

She gave me copious amounts of things that she had accidentally bought a couple sizes too small, or had grown tired of and had shrunk in the wash.  So it was by the time that I graduated high school I hadn't gone anything but pants shopping in over three years.

I'm not saying that this is bad, in fact, it was quite awesome.

I hate clothes shopping.

Recently, however, something of a change has begun working in my heart.  I look at my sister and realize that in my attempt to be pretty I have taken her style as gospel.

I just wore her clothes because they were there, and because she looked good in them.  But I never really liked them for myself.  Now, after all these years, I dont even know what I do like.

Makeup isn't evil, neither is doing your hair****.  Just because we want to look good doesn't make either of us shallow.

Well I still think she was shallow back then,  but she probably isn't now.

The point is that I'm going to start buying my own clothes.  Things that make me feel pretty for who I am.

And things that don't let anyone taller than me see down my shirt, which evidently is something of a problem I have.

I donated half of my shirts to the DI here in provo, and I got three shirts of my own to wear.  From now on I'm going to set aside ten dollars every month to replace my wardrobe.

There are simply too many shiny things in the world to spend anymore than that on clothes.

ed: Let me be a bit clearer. I love my sister, she is simply awesome and she has dealt with a lot in her life. The events and feelings I discuss here are simply one facet of my feelings towards her at several small points in my life.  I loved getting clothes from her, they were an important bridge in our relationship and in the woman I have become. 

I'm simply ready to become my own person.

Besides, this post was suppose to me make me look at least as bad as it made her,  I hope that came across.

Okay, back to the originally scheduled program!

I really like this one because of the way it hangs on my body.  It's loose and comfortable but shows off my curves really well.   I also happen to love the way that touch of pink pops perfectly. I've gotten compliments every time I've worn it.

Everyone loves unedited photos! Right?

I actually bought this one because my friends told me that it looked awesome on me, now that I've worn it a couple times I tend to agree with him.   It's pretty, artsy, and just the right amount of girly. I can't help but smile every time I put it on.

... Guys?
This shirt is unfortunately a little see-through so I have to dawn an undershirt every time I put it on.  This dims my waistline a little but I adore the simplicity of the design.  No bright colors here, no tricks,  just something pretty to look at.

*we had thirty minutes in-between seminary and high school,  so why did she have to miss the first part of class, hmm?

**in grade school I used to chew my sleeves, the same shirts still fit me in middle school so...

*** I'm one of the hairiest girls I know

**** I shave now okay, have for a while. 


  1. You are wonderful, creative, and thoughtful. To me you are beautiful inside and outside. Love ya Myka.

  2. I remember the unshaved legs...gross, but I thought you rather liked the school clothes shopping trips I took you and Jordyn on. You always found cute tops at Ross. I did learn that you hated to shop for shoes. They did not make stylish ones small enough for you. :(

  3. I really like the first photo although you may have gotten Jordyn in trouble. Why are Mom's the last one to know.